Spotlight Wednesday: LIKE MANDARIN

Almost exactly two years ago, I met Kirsten Hubbard on a writing forum we both frequented.

We were both writing contemporary novels, we were both seeking agents, but other than that, I knew very little about the phenomenal writer who later became one of my best friends in the business.

Kirsten and I have led almost parallel journeys in the publishing world. We signed with our agents within a week of each other and our books sold within a day of each other. We often joked that she was my pub-twin. I was privileged enough to read a draft of LIKE MANDARIN early, right after it sold, and it blew my mind even then.

LIKE MANDARIN, which debuted yesterday, is a gorgeous, powerful, literary YA novel. I was amazed by the attention to detail, how each sentence seemed to be expertly crafted. The story of a girl in search of true beauty and, ultimately, freedom resonated with me, as I know it will with many other readers. It’s a book you can’t help getting sucked into.

This beautiful novel is about 14-year-old Grace, a girl living in the badlands of Wyoming. Even in the beauty pageant world her mother has pushed her and her little sister into, Grace has trouble finding true beauty. But she thinks she has found it in Mandarin Ramey, the 17-year-old town slut. Grace would give anything to be just like Mandarin, and when the two are assigned to work together on a project, an explosive, intense friendship forms.

I loved this book then, and I love it now. It is emotional and raw and powerful and deep and everything a coming-of-age novel should be. Kirsten is one of the best writers in our genre, and I’m so happy to say that I know her.

CONGRATS ON THE RELEASE OF YOUR DEBUT NOVEL KIRSTEN!

So go out and buy LIKE MANDARIN! But before you do, check out this GORGEOUS book trailer!

Teen Thursday: Songs That Take You Back

Nothing makes you more nostalgic than music. And nothing brings you back to a transitive time in your life – such as high school – like That Song. There might be one. There might be several. But whether you're 16 or 60, That Song is an instant time machine. When you hear it, suddenly – you're back.


For example, Britney Spears's "Baby One More Time" will always make me think of the cringingly awkward Sadie Hawkins dance sophomore year, where my date was my crush. ABBA's "Dancing Queen" is turning seventeen and singing at the top of my lungs with my twin sister. "Sweet Child O' Mine" by Guns 'n Roses totally represents my first few months of college, savoring freedom with my new best friends. Boyz II Men's "I'll Make Love to You" played during my first ever slow dance in sixth grade. (I wish I was lying.)*


But the all-time most nostalgic song of my teenage years has got to be "1979" by The Smashing Pumpkins. Between ages 12 and 15, I was obsessed with The Smashing Pumpkins. Super crazy obsessed. These were the mid/late 90s days of America Online chat rooms, and I was a regular in The Smashing Pumpkins chat. At one point – oh God – I even had a newsletter. Called Children of the Pumpkin Patch.**


Aaaaanyway. At the time, I considered "Disarm" my favorite song, and Siamese Dream my favorite album. But the song that has always brought me back the most is "1979". I so wanted to be those teens in the music video: wreaking good clean havoc, making out in swimming pools, ditching the cute jerks who trashed the convenience store. To me, "1979" defines the excitement of being a teenager -- the same excitement that makes me write YA.

What songs define your teenage years?

*okay seriously, what was the DJ thinking??
**not to be confused with Children of the Corn.

Hot Topic Tuesday: No Means No & Yes Means Yes

Tomorrow, we're going to feature The Mockingbirds by Daisy Whitney, a member of The Contemps. I'm so excited about this book, not least because it deals with date rape, an issue that needs to be talked about – both in YA literature, and in real life.

No Means No is the most widespread date rape-prevention slogan, but I have a problem with it. Not that its message isn't important. If a girl*says No to sex (or any sort of sexual activity), guys should take that seriously. And girls shouldn't be afraid to speak up and say No.

However, speaking up isn't always easy. No Means No puts the pressure on the girl to put an end to a sexual situation. And what's worse, No Means No makes Yes the default. Like being innocent til proven guilty. If a girl doesn't explicitly say No, then by default, she means Yes.

Which isn't right. And isn't true. What if the girl is drunk? Or intimidated by the guy? What if she's passed out? She certainly can't say No then.

Absolutely, girls should do their best not to get into sketchy or uncomfortable situations. But sometimes even the most self-assured girls end up over their heads. Take it from me, and from all my female friends – every single one of us has a story like that. Some of our stories ended okay. Some didn't.

It would be easier if date rapists wore neon blinking RAPIST!!! buttons, but they don't. In reality, you don't always know who the rapists are. And while some are obviously scary or skeezy, a whole lot more seem like regular guys. Or are regular guys. Guys you know -- products of pressure from the media, their friends, and other contributors to rape culture.

Part of what confuses people are the scores of alleged "gray areas". For example, if a girl is asleep, and a guy has sex with her, is that rape? Most people would say yes (and yes, it is rape). But what if they're dating? What if she's drunk? What if she's drunk, and flirty, and dressed sexy, and goes upstairs with a guy she's dating, and makes out with him? Does all that add up to consent?

Absolutely not. There is no such thing as "asking for it" – that's known as victim-blaming, and it's one of the main reasons so many rapes go unreported. Passing out is not a Yes. Being drunk is not a Yes. Dating a guy is not a Yes. Neither is wearing a sexy outfit, or flirting, or going somewhere private with a guy, or hooking up in any other way.

Nothing means Yes to sex except for the word "Yes".

That's why Yes Means Yes** is a much better slogan.

Yes Means Yes makes No the default. Unless a girl says Yes, she is saying No to sex or sexual activity. Period. I mean, girls don't go to school or the grocery store implying Yes to sex! And that default doesn't change when the bedroom door closes. Not until both partners are ready.

Girls should not forget this.

And even more importantly, guys should not forget this.


Statistics:

• 1 out of every 6 American women has been the victim of sexual assault (a number which might be higher, due to underreporting).

• Approximately a third or less (and possibly, far less) of rapes are reported to law enforcement officials.

• More than half of rapes are committed by guys the victim knows.

Contemporary YA novels that deal with date rape/sexual assault:

The Mockingbirds by Daisy Whitney

Speak by Laurie Halse Anderson

Just Listen by Sarah Dessen

Inexcusable by Chris Lynch (from the perspective of the date rapist)

Leftovers by Laura Wiess


Resources:

National Center for Victims of Crime
Phone: (800) 394-2255
Internet Address: http://www.ncvc.org

Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network
Phone: (800) 656-4673 (656-HOPE)
Internet Address: http://www.rainn.org

Men Can Stop Rape
Phone: (202) 265-6530
Internet Address: http://www.mencanstoprape.org


*Nine out of 10 victims of rape are girls, but guys are also victims. A 1999 U.S. Study estimates only 10% of male rapes are reported.

**My first encounter with this slogan was this Metafilter comment by kmz, in a fantastically thought-provoking thread about the topic.

Teen Thursday: Fearing Feminism

When I was a kid, I watched a whole lot of Saved by the Bell. Have you seen it? It's like the ultimate high school caricature. Jocks are stupid. Nerds wear pocket protectors. And feminists are extremely annoying. I learned pretty quickly there's a lot more nuance to the real life high school experience. But some stereotypes from that show lingered.

Like feminists. After Saved by the Bell, feminism meant Jessie Spano – bossy, shrill, overly opinionated, scoffed at by both girls and boys, including her odd couple "sexist pig" boyfriend, A.C. Slater. A typical exchange between them:

Okay, ugh -- but at the time, it seemed like irritating Jessie deserved it. I wasn't the only one who fell for this. Jezebel blogged about "The Jessie Spano Effect" last year, which they described as "the unwillingness to call oneself a feminist for fear of being labeled an uptight, neurotic bitch." If asked, of course I'd have said girls and guys should have equal rights. But as a teen, I rejected the "feminist" label. I didn't want to be like Jessie. Nobody wants to be around a girl like that.

It took a lot of time and a lot of reading for me to finally see the light. I realized the negative associations with the feminist label are directly related to the aspects of society keeping girls down. To reproductive rights and job inequality. To slut-shaming and homophobia. To useless, one-dimensional female protagonists in books. And to characters like Jessie Spano – whom scriptwriters thought it'd be funny to make us despise.

Now, it makes me sad when I hear girls say, "Well, I'm not a feminist, but…" Girls should not fear being called feminists. Girls should not fear being strong. And boys should not fear strong girls. Sure, there are feminists out there like Jessie Spano. But there are a whole lot more like me – and you.

I am a feminist and proud of it.

Do you consider yourself a feminist? What do you think of the feminist label and the stereotypes associated with it? Are there any stereotypes from books, shows or movies that colored the way you looked at the world? What's your favorite episode of Saved by the Bell*?

*mine's the Jessie's caffeine pill episode... now that's a whole 'nother blog post.