The Contemps: suicide

Jennifer R. Hubbard's sophomore novel, Try Not to Breathe, releases tomorrow, January 19.

Ryan spends most of his time alone at the local waterfall because it’s the only thing that makes him feel alive. He’s sixteen, post-suicidal, and trying to figure out what to do with himself after a stint in a mental hospital. Then Nicki barges into his world, brimming with life and energy, and asking questions about Ryan’s depression that no one else has ever been brave enough—or cared enough—to ask. Ryan isn’t sure why he trusts Nicki with his darkest secrets, but that trust turns out to be the catalyst that he desperately needs to start living again.

blurb and cover image from goodreads

I can't even begin to express how excited I am for this novel. Anything that features a suicidal, or post-suicidal, character who finds a way to move past that is automatically bumped up to the top of my to-read list.

For me, it's personal. Reading stories like this remind me where I've been, where people close to me have been (psych ward? not exactly a fun place to visit), and more importantly, how we each got to where we are now. They remind me how devastatingly loud your own thoughts can be. But they also remind me there is hope, for anyone, and that the best remedy for suicidal depression is often not something prescribed by a doctor. It's just... having a friend, someone who genuinely cares, someone who will listen to what you need to get out of your head, no matter how dark it is. Someone who won't judge you for feeling the way you do.

Someone who wants you to live. All it takes is one person.

Try Not to Breathe takes it a step further, exploring how someone puts their life back together after a suicide attempt. In the author's own words, "I see this book mostly as a story of learning how to live."

And the dedication page pretty much says it all:

This book is for those who survived, and in memory of those who did not.

Where to find the book:

IndieBound
Amazon
Barnes & Noble

Where to find the author:

website
Twitter
other

This fall, the news was filled with stories of young people killing themselves. Every time I'd read another story, my heart hurt a little more. I wondered, what went through their minds in the moments before they did it? Before they stepped into the noose, jumped off the bridge, or took the bottle of pills? How could it seem so hopeless?

The only personal experience I've had with suicide was about five years ago. It was a Sunday morning, and we were getting ready for church. The kids were downstairs watching television and I heard a distant sound, like crying. I remember putting my curling iron down, going to the stairs, and listening, thinking it was something on the television. I called down to the kids and asked them what they were watching. It didn't seem to be coming from there. I went back in my room and heard it again. Crying from somewhere. Somewhere outside. Maybe a child, I thought.

But it was time to go. I guess the crying didn't concern me enough to figure out who it was or why. We went to church, came home, and then we heard the news from our friends who live down the street. The neighbor behind us had come home from working nights as a nurse at a hospital, opened the garage, and found her husband, who had hung him self in their garage. The crying I'd heard had been hers, after she discovered his body.

I didn't know them well. They pretty much kept to themselves. He walked their dog past our house all the time, and we had a dog, and my husband had talked to him a few times. It's interesting to me that I, a virtual stranger to them, felt guilty. I felt guilty that I hadn't reached out to him more. Hadn't tried to get to know him. Hadn't done any number of things. As if I could prevent it? It seems so silly now. But isn't that what we do? We ask why, and wonder what we might have done differently, so sad that a life had to end that way.

For weeks, I thought of him. I couldn't walk or drive by their house without visualizing him in there, doing that. And I felt so badly for her. If *I* was haunted by it, what about her? Having to live with that image for the rest of your life? But even worse, wondering what role she played in his decision.

I applaud authors who take on the difficult of subject of suicide, and what it does to the people who are left behind. Today, our own Courtney Summers celebrates the release of her latest YA novel, FALL FOR ANYTHING, about a girl, Eddie, whose father commits suicide, and who becomes consumed with the question of why. We'll spotlight this book tomorrow in more detail. But honestly, as a fan of Courtney's other books, CRACKED UP TO BE and SOME GIRLS ARE, I cannot wait to read this book. In my opinion, Courtney is one of the best contemporary authors of our time. She isn't afraid to go to the dark places in a special style that is all her own.

Other books about teen suicide I highly recommend: 13 REASONS WHY by Jay Asher and HOLD STILL by Nina LaCour.

The mother in me won't sign off of this post without posting a help line, in case you stumble across this post with thoughts of suicide. Please, talk to someone. Your life DOES matter. The national suicide prevention line is 1-800-273-8255.

Another place to go for help, if you are a lesbian, gay, trans, bi, or questioning young person, is the Trevor Project. They have a nationwide, around-the-clock crisis and suicide prevention lifeline - 1-866-4-U-TREVOR.

Has suicide ever touched your life? Feel free to share in the comments.