TEEN THURSDAY: "I'm Not the One that They Want" with Aimee Ferris

Boy, are we lucky today! We've got Aimee Ferris, author of WILL WORK FOR PROM DRESS with us to share her very own working for prom dress stories. By the way, if you haven't checked out WillWorkForPromDress.com yet, go there as soon right after you've read this post. It is HILARIOUS. You might even see some awksauce 80's prom photos of people you know...Anyway, without further ado, I give you...AIMEE!

I watched the new Grease reality show a few years ago with interest. I spent much of my Midwest childhood on stage at a local community playhouse. When I scored my first speaking role at fifteen, I was sure that I was on my way to Broadway. The fact that the role consisted of five words, none of them in English, didn’t faze me.

As Liat the island girl in South Pacific, I wore my overly spray-tanned orange skin with pride. After the very not “nice” and not “easy” temporary black dye I used for my hair malfunctioned, stylists spent two days removing all the pigment from my hair before dying it back to brown. This didn’t take away from the glory of my role. I was suffering for my art.

Somehow, Broadway overlooked my performance.

A few years later, I knew I’d arrived. A guy in the theatre I’d had a major crush on (partly because he’d lived in NYC and once played a bit part on Law & Order) called, in need of a stand in for his show. Ideal timing as prom was coming up and I needed some cash. The small venue wasn’t exactly Broadway, but I was going to act in a real live dinner theatre! I was going to be a professional actor! With my official check in hand, I was going to apply for my SAG card!

(I was going to be a dead body.)

The night of my debut, I stared down at my plate, waiting for the cue. Without asking, a dieting friend I’d brought switched my dressing-free salad plate for hers. So at the moment of my “death”, when the spotlights all slammed into me, I believe I had a very convincing look of horror before accepting my fate and falling face first into a pool of Ranch.

The last hour of the show went quickly. This might have just seemed so since Ranch is surprisingly comfy and with the spotlights still on me, I fell asleep. I jumped rather un-deadlike when one of the actors picked me up for the finale, a Weekend-at-Bernie’s style comedy dance where they tossed my “lifeless body” around like a sack of potatoes. It took a moment to remember why there were two hundred people staring at me. And why I had lettuce stuck to my cheek.

Despite all of my dreams of Broadway, I’m guessing I’m not the one that they want. But I still had that fifty bucks to put towards prom…which I took right past “Claire’s” to the Glamour Shots at the mall to help buy head shots instead. Just in case.

So let’s hear it – prom’s coming up, gas isn’t cheap, lots of great new books out there to scoop up…who’s got some terrible high school job stories to share! What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done to earn money?

8 comments:

Micol Ostow said...

My job stories are so boring! In high school I babysat, and sometimes tutored. Oh, there was also a brief stint working retail at the mall. I spent more than I sold there, but I looked pretty cute!

Aimee said...

Ah, the mall. I put in one holiday seasons at a guy's store in the mall, thinking I would meet cute boys. Not so much. Though I did really want to swipe that plastic cheater board they used for folding sweaters...

(I wised up and went for a job at a country club with golf privileges the next summer.)

Lisa Schroeder said...

I was lucky, I got a great job at an insurance agency in high school and worked there full-time during the summer and from 2:00 - 5:00 after school my senior year.

Sarah Darer Littman said...

I worked at Friendly's (we had to wear these awful uniforms made of no fibers ever found in nature) and then I got a job at a picture framing and gift store. Meatloaf was a customer. It was hilarious because the owner had no idea who he was and she'd write his name as Meat Loaf on the framing slips and call him Mr. Loaf.
STOP RIGHT THERE!Before you go any further do you love me, do you love me forever, do you need me, will you never leave me...

Aimee said...

What, Lisa -- no cupcake making businesses in your past?

Aimee said...

How were you ever able to say the name of Friendly's signature sundae with a straight face, Sarah?

And THANKS for that morning ear worm to start my day! It will be stuck in my brain FOREVER. *So now I'm waiting for the end of time, to hurry up and arrive...

Ha! I'd have been a freak -- was talking with a friend about how celeb stuff is sort of 'meh' now, but when I cross paths with someone I idolized in my teen years...watch out*.

*There was a recent case of Stamos-stalking. "HAVE MERCY!" might have been yelled as he lounged by the pool. I'm not proud.

Micol Ostow said...

Um, MEATLOAF? How have we not talked about this yet?
Amazing.
Also, I love Friendly's. Curse of being a suburban girl at heart.

Adeeva Afsheen said...

Banned complain !! Complaining only causes life and mind become more severe. Enjoy the rhythm of the problems faced. No matter ga life, not a problem not learn, so enjoy it :)

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